I Hope to be The Moon: On Light Among Darkness

Tonight, I pulled into my driveway.

It was like every night of this week, of my life. The sun went to bed, and darkness covered. It sheepishly crept into the sky, and then stealthily ambushed all at once.

When I drove uphill in our alley, a full moon greeted me, suspended and strong, floating front and center of my path.

In that moment, a little voice within me said,

“See? There’s a light among the darkness. Even when the sun sleeps, the moon comes to outshine the harsh black and blue.”

This world is dark.

Terrorism, war. Cancer, disease. Kidnapping, theft. Adultery, lies.

It doesn’t take 20/20 vision to see the hurt and chaos and sorrow and desperation aimlessly, recklessly, constantly swirling and twirling and spinning and gnawing away at mankind.

We are destructive, hopeless humans. An unfaithfulness that derives from selfish greed is rooted deeply within our feeble bodies.

My eyesight is poor, but my heart is passionate.

When I notice hurt, I search for healing. When I see pain, I seek a remedy.

Because despite the anger and bitterness within, there is room for so much good, so much life.

When we rid ourselves of the bad, of the imbalanced mind, body and spirit, a vacancy prepares the way for good, wholeness and fulfillment.

In the end, we’re all flames.

We are complex beings.

We have the nature of a singular, candle-like flame. I shine the best I can, I flit and flop and dilly dally.

We have the ability to burst into more. I explode into a wildfire, I barrel and break through and charge in every direction.

Sometimes we’re called to be a calm candle. We must be short, simple, and sweet. We must be gentle, we must be kind.

But other times, we’re called to be a raging wildfire. We must be abrasive, aggressive, and attacking. We must be strong, we must be serious.

Many times, the sweet spot is somewhere in between. We can be kind in our strength, or aggressive in how we care.

Most days, I start a candle. Some days, I become more.

Every day, I hope and pray that whichever flame I choose to be, or whatever impacts the flame I am, that I can be like the moon.

A greeting to the lonely, lost and broken.

A light among the darkness.

A beacon of hope.

Chopped: Cutting Hair Takes Trust

I love my hair.

It’s long, thick, and black with reddish tints interwoven through the silky strands.

Before continuing this vain rambling, let me also say that my hair is a source of confidence for me. 

Despite the tomboyish exterior, I’m a girl through and through.

I chopped my hair off.

10 inches. Gone.

I walked into the appointment thinking, “5 inches, no more. No less.”

As I sat down and the hairdresser wrapped the tickly, white paper around my neck, I doubled my original request.

I tightly shut my eyes and whispered, “Please God, don’t make me look like a boy.”

After 20 minutes of silent prayer and skeptical uncertainty, I looked at my reflection.

Yep. It’s gone.

Now I don’t need tablespoons of Pantene to rinse and repeat. I don’t need to throw it into a ponytail whenever it’s falling onto my schoolwork.

It’s short and easy and light and I don’t look like a boy.

It’s free and fun and won’t collect a nasty pool of sweat in the hot Texas summer.

These are all good things. Who knew short hair could be such a blessing?

Trusting a hairdresser is one thing. Trusting God is a whole new ballgame.

Many times, I cling to what brings me confidence: grades, leadership positions, involvement, friendships, pleasing others, material items.

I tell God I trust Him, but my hands are clenched to everything but Him.

When I finally muster the courage to open my fists, God amazes me.

He blesses me in ways I’d never imagined.

He says, “I told you so. You can trust in me.”

Dear daughter, don’t you know that I know all? Don’t you see that I see further than you? Don’t you feel that I want what is best for you?

Silly daughter, let go of these things you hold. I cannot give if you only take worldly possessions and satisfactions.

Beautiful daughter, let go of these things that are not me. Close your eyes. Open your hands. And receive from Me what you cannot take on earth.

I love you. Trust in me.

~Your Heavenly Father