i don’t do trust falls.
You can ask any of my friends or family. If they say I’ve done a trust fall with them, they’re a stinking liar.
I don’t do trust falls, because the idea of falling flat on my back does not appeal to me. Yes, I understand the concept. You trust your teammate, so they reach their arms out and catch you. They save you from falling. Cute.
But in my head, I fall flat on my back. Every time.
i don’t trust god well.
I was taught Proverbs 3:5-6 at a young age. It says, “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
I don’t trust God all of the time.
I lean on my own understanding. I think I know what’s best for me. I follow my own plan.
I don’t always acknowledge Him. I often forget to give Him credit where it’s due.
My paths are downright crooked and wonky and twisted and curvy, because they are my paths. Not God’s.
i don’t always trust in god, but when i do, my paths are straight.
The other night, I had one of the most defining come-to-Jesus moments in my twenties.
Last year, I met this guy. (Yes, all terrific and tragic stories start with, “I met this guy.”) He’s kind and cute and compassionate. He also laughs at all of my jokes and loves Jesus with his whole heart.
After only our first date-esque friendship outing, I was over the moon. It’s like every single man I had met in the history of my existence could not meet up to the level of extraordinary, amazing and perfect that this man was (and is–sort of).
So for the past almost 365 days of my life, I’ve been pining for this guy. I’ve been waiting for him to come around, to greet me with this huge smile, pull me into a hug, and twirl me around just like Noah does to Allie in the Notebook.
Yeah. That has not happened.
And during my come-to-Jesus moment, I realized that it may never actually happen.
In that moment, I fell flat on my face, knees to the ground, palms up. I said, “God, I’m giving him to you. I’ve got to let go of this. I cannot control this. It’s all up to Your Will.”
Honestly, I thought about taking it back. Because he’s really the total package.
But then I remembered Proverbs 3:5-6.
If I trust in God, He will make my paths straight. If I let go of this and my plan, His dreams and His life for me will fall into place. I don’t have to weave in and out and up and down to follow my own wonky path. I simply have to walk step-by-step, trusting God in every move I make.
so here i am, on day 9 of trusting god with my love life.
There are times my heart is weak. I just want to call this guy up and eat tacos with him and tell him all of my jokes.
But my Spirit is strong. My Spirit says I’ve got this. My Spirit says my measly plan pales in comparison to the reward my trust will receive.
So here I am, sharing the amusing-yet-anti-climactic-love-saga that is my life. And I can only hope that you are better at trusting. And that you know God’s plans for you are crazy stupid awesome and you should really join me in the trusting God boat, because my worries are none and my life is breezy with God as Captain right now.