not my virginity, i’m talking about my life!
I’ve never been particularly good at waiting (Exhibit A of why singleness is good for me). I’ve always been especially hasty to make decisions and impulsively act. That’s how many of my travel adventures began: in the blink of an eye, with a quick thought, at the swipe of a card.
So when I envision myself waiting for marriage, I see a mopey Maelyn benched on the sidelines of a super exciting, buzzer beater game. The stands are full. Crowds cheer. Feet stomp. The ball thumps. The net swishes.
I cannot just sit and watch. I cannot be an idle observer. I have to be there, in the middle of the court, ball-in-hand. I have to feel my own heart leap out of my chest with every step, every second counted down on the clock. I have to make snap decisions and stay alert and wipe the sweat off the back of my neck.
I’m done with waiting, but i’m not done with growing.
I’m not done with learning from my mistakes, heartbreaks, wins, triumphs. I’m not done with taking notes about who I am and who I’ve been and who I want to be. I’m not done with falling flat on my face, knees to my chest, crying out to Jesus to rejoice and to weep.
Before I meet my man, I’d like to grow. A lot. When I meet my man, I want to say, “I make more than Ramen.” I’d like to declare, “I’ve put a dent in my bucket list, but I’m ready for your help.” I’d like to admit, “I’ve missed you a lot. But I’ve been busy while you’ve been gone.”
i don’t know his name, but i pray for him often.
My man has a lot to put up with: a lot of sass, a lot of obnoxious laughs, a lot of silly arguments that don’t actually matter (no, a burrito is not a sandwich). And since I’ve never met him yet, I can pray that he grows and learns, too.
I pray he can say, “I can make you the coffee rack you’ve always wanted.” And, “I vow to never hug you right after I work out.” I hope he can declare, “I’ve been chasing Jesus, and I can’t wait to chase him with you.”
It might not be 2017, or 2018, or even 2019. But when we’re face-to-face, I’m going to shriek and giggle and jump and do a cartwheel because that man is already my very best friend in this whole wide world!!! And I cannot wait to meet him.