“I know where I’m going.”
Reads a Baylor t-shirt for incoming students.
As a future bear, I wore it with pride and excitement. It reminded me that I found where I belonged, where my story would take place for the next four years.
These days, I don’t know where I’m going.
I graduated in December, and my post-grad internship is over. I’m back at home with the parentals, and I’m nannying part-time.
According to my senior semester self, my life isn’t where or what I wanted it to be. At the time, I thought I’d be living in Nashville or Austin, anywhere but my hometown.
I thought I’d have a killer entry level position at a nonprofit or PR firm. I thought I’d have my life together, and I’d have more to say than, “I’m figuring out the next step,” when people asked what I was doing.
My life is nothing I wanted, but everything I need.
In college, I ran full force. While many of my friends coasted at 20 mph, I was going the full 60: interning, volunteering, leading, writing, studying, exercising.
I thought I could do it all. I said “yes” to every challenge and opportunity thrown my way. But in the end, it exhausted me.
These days, I say “no,” and life says “no” right back at me. Instead of running, I’m walking. I’ve traded anxious insomnia for a healthy eight hours a night. I’m not overworked, I’m happily rested.
Living in the unknown gives me hope for the future.
1 John 3:2 says, “What we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is.”
Each year, I look, act, and live differently than I was the year before. Over the course of 12 months, growth and refinement causes me to evolve into a better version of myself.
As I live in the unknown and search for God’s will, I’m learning maybe His will doesn’t lead me to a destination, but seeks to make me look less like my old self, and a little more like Christ every day.
Maybe I don’t need to know where I’m going, as long as I keep going. Not running, but carefully placing one foot in front of the other. Not exhausting myself, but finding rest and discovering Truths found in The Lord.