Bearing my Cross · College Life · For the Ladies · Life Written. · Love or Something Like It · My Adoption · Sic'Em Forever. · The Word

The Art of Walking Blind

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This is a new season for me.

Lots of independence. Little accountability. What? Since when did I grow up?

The answer? Never. I haven’t officially grown up but I know for a fact I am growing up and growing old.

Exhibit A: I woke up naturally at 5:30 a.m. the other morning. Instead of laying in bed, I decided to make an omlette because I love eating a huge breakfast to start the day.

Issue 1: It takes me quite literally an hour or two to be coherent.

Issue 2: I can’t cook.

Issue 3: I especially couldn’t cook my omlette because I had never tried before.

Thank God for WikiHow, am I right? Where would I be without it?

The result was a messy, but colorful, terrible-tasting omlette. I did something wrong. Sadly, I can’t pinpoint my mistake, because I can’t cook.

The art of cooking involves a long attention span, an eye for detail, and an appreciation of nutrition and sustainability.

I have an attention span of a goldfish, maybe worse. I love details, but I don’t see those before 9 a.m and copious amounts of caffeine. I like to be healthy, but I also like microwaveable meals because, once again, I can’t cook.

I’m blind in the kitchen.

Nevertheless, WikiHow knows all — or mostly all. It’s aided me with cooking and cleaning and schooling and crafting.

But WikiHow isn’t a person. It’s not my mama. Mama makes dinner and washes my clothes and helps me with homework and hems my jeans.

But Mama is in Dallas and I am in Waco, and after 2+ years of living away from the parentals, I am finally coming to terms with productively living from day-to-day.

It’s a novel idea. Now I am relying on WikiHow to get me through. But WikiHow is not capable of doing these things for me, it just nudges me in the right direction.

I walk blindly all of the time. I just go for it, because why not?

The art of growing up but not being grown-up is this: others are hopeful for us, but don’t have too high of expectations. They expect us to fail along the way. Because we are not experts. We are young, wide-eyed and naive humans. We are the toddlers of the real world.

We aren’t completely dependent of others. But most of us aren’t completely independent either.

I am now a working gal, putting in 15ish hours a week. I make my own money and I choose how to manage it. But I still lean on Mama & Pops to pay for a majority of my bills, clothes, and food.

As students, we feel immense pressure to go to class and build a resume and intern and graduate and live on our own and get married and have kids.

How much of that pressure is real? How much do we fabricate?

My vision has changed throughout the past 2.15 years in college. I started as journalism news-editorial major. I was going to report stories and make a difference.

Last spring, I changed to public relations and added a social justice and poverty studies minor. I am still going to tell stories, just with a subjective perspective. I am still going to make a difference, I’m leaning toward the nonprofit sphere.

The more I grow and know, the more I understand my heart’s desires and how, if I’m doing things right, my desires align with God’s.

I’ve always been independent. I never wanted to get married in college or fresh out of college. But since many of my friends and acquaintances are in serious relationships, engaged, or married already, I have felt pressure to catch up and join them.

Based on my lack of cooking skills, patience, and consistency, I am 110% sure I am not wife material just yet. And praise The Lord for remembering my heart’s desires and giving me confidence in my independence {it took some time}.

There is grace.

When we make fantastic omlettes and don’t wait until the last pair of underwear to wash our clothes, we can celebrate. We are growing up.

But when our omlettes are disgusting and our laundry is flowing out of the basket, there is grace.

We know some stuff but we don’t know everything. We can be proud of ourselves in the list of things we know, and remember grace when we experience failure in things we do not know.

When we fail, we need God. We will always fail, we will always need God, and we will always need grace.

 

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