There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death. Proverbs 14:12, NIV
My pride can get the best of me.
I’m doing this whole Christ Follower thing right. I’m reading my Bible, listening to podcasts when I workout, filling journals with handwritten prayers.
I’m not only doing the whole Christ Follower thing right, I’m doing everything right.
I’m making A’s in my junior level classes. I’m exploring new ways of thinking. I’m establishing friendships outside of my comfort zone. I’m maintaining connections with successful professionals. I’m working diligently in the office.
I don’t just do what I have to do, I choose to take the extra step.
I don’t just choose to do it all, I have it all already.
But when I rest my head on the pillow at the end of the day, I feel empty. I feel like I have nothing.
The “Best of Class” graded report for Advanced PR on the refrigerator does not excite me anymore. My heart is wired for journalism and public relations. But I’m still empty.
Esteemed references, CEOs and MVPs of the news media/marketing/advertising world, do not guarantee me success. My heart leaps for joy when they take time to mentor me. But I’m still empty.
Inside jokes and long calls with friends near and far do not fill me to the brim. My heart is driven by absolute loyalty and perseverance of friendships. But I’m still empty.
I’m not the only one.
King Solomon from the Bible was the wisest man in the world. In Ecclesiastes 7, Solomon was “still searching, but not finding.” Nevertheless, Solomon chased worldly conquests, like beautiful wives and beautiful palaces.
There are so many beautiful things in this world. A baby wailing for the first time to prove his functioning lungs. A negative result on a test of a heartbreaking, life threatening disease.
But this world will never be as beautiful as God. This world will never completely envelop the love of The Father.
We see glimpses of God in these beautiful things. We see people, nature, environments, and occupations under the sun face-to-face, and are reminded of Him. But we can’t see God face-to-face yet.
Maybe that is why I so often drift and wander and pursue everything but Him.
This semester is different. I am empty. I am naked.
I don’t have my family directly beside me in Waco to comfort me with home cooking. I don’t have a go-to friend group on the weekends to make memories with. I don’t have a determined schedule that provides security.
I do have God.
I always have God.
He is a constant. He is not a variable.
He does not change. People do. Grades do. Priorities do.
He will forever be faithful. I am not. I am prone to wander. A lot.
And it breaks my heart to be stripped of such beautiful things of this world, and to say,
“Lord, you are not enough for me. I want more.”
Because He has given me so much more than this world will ever give me. He has given me life and grace and forgiveness over and over and over again.
God is teaching me that He is more than enough. God is teaching me that truly God, and only God, will fill my heart and let it overflow. God is stretching me and bending me to where it hurts and I say, “Please stop. I can’t take it anymore.”
But it turns out, I can take it. I can take anything, because God is with me. And God is more than enough.