College Life

Confession: I’m a faker.


Friends, I have a confession.

I’m a faker.

Sometimes, I fake it. In fact, a lot of times, I fake it.

I fake having it together. I fake smiles when my heart is heavy, I fake laughs when I want to cry, I fake nonchalant shrugs when I want to yell.

I don’t know if this happens at other private Christian colleges — or just other colleges in general — but I feel like everyone here at Baylor is just fine and dandy.

A majority of the student population is Christian. We attend church on Sunday mornings, go to Bible study during the week, pray before meals {even off campus}, have our daily quiet times, give our ten percent.

We have God, so we must be good, right?


While I know for a fact God is always good, I also know that life doesn’t always feel the same way. But when life doesn’t feel good and everyone around you looks good, it makes you want to portray you’re good, too.

This semester, I’ve found a group of friends who don’t see Fake Maelyn, Life-is-Good Maelyn.

On Thursday nights, Real Maelyn goes to Kelsey’s to meet with eight or so other girls. Real Maelyn, like the name sounds, keeps it real.

Some nights I walk in beaming after acing a test, getting out of class early, sleeping in late, etc. Some nights I let the tears flow after hearing devastating news, bombing a test, running off of no sleep, etc.

No matter the state I’m in — anxious, excited, joyful, nostalgic, depressed, whatever — I can be real with those girls, and count on those girls being real with me.

We’ll laugh and cry, we’ll drink coffee and eat cookies made in a waffle maker {“wookies”}, we’ll share, we’ll sit, we’ll pray. I love these girls because they love me, the real me, the one who doesn’t have it all together, the one who rants, cries, explodes and implodes, the one who desperately needs her Savior every day.

In a setting where everyone pretends to be peachy keen {aka just about anywhere you go, whether you’re in college or the real world}, being able to be real around someone is exquisite and a relationship to be treasured.

On Thursday nights, I come just as I am — with burdens and baggage, excitements and heartbreaks. I don’t have it all together yet I am loved deeply. By being real with my friends,I am reminded that I can be real with my Heavenly Father. He does not expect for me to have it all together, but is willing to lift the weight off of my shoulders. I can lay my shambly self at His feet knowing He will carry both me & my burdens. I show The Lord the Real Maelyn yet I am loved deeply, even deeper than my new group of friends love me.

Sometimes life isn’t good. But The Lord always is.  I can show Him the Life-is-Hard Maelyn, bask in His goodness, and ease my burdens. And I don’t have to fake it.

Let us help each other to love others and to do good. Hebrews 10:24

Come to Me, all of you who work and have heavy loads. I will give you rest. Follow My teachings and learn from Me. I am gentle and do not have pride. You will have rest for your souls. For My way of carrying a load is easy and My load is not heavy. Matthew 11:28-30

One thought on “Confession: I’m a faker.

  1. Love this! It’s so easy for us to hide behind masks and pretend to be doing okay when we’re not. And it’s such a beautiful thing when people have the courage to take the mask off and be transparent with one another about their struggles. It gives others the opportunity to do the same. Thanks for sharing this!! Be blessed.

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