The Bitter Barn

Every now and then, my friends and I quote the eccentric Phoebe Buffay (Friends) and tell each other to “get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay.

And while it is a funny quote to say, it has some depth to it. Please hang with me here.

The bitter barn is a real place.

It’s a place I go to when I put my wants before God’s. Or rather, when my wants do not meet God’s. Or rather, when His timing isn’t my ideal, when His steps differ from my plans.

It’s a place filled with regret, anger, hostility, envy, rage, confusion, ignorance, frustration, and self pity. It’s a place where I ball up my tiny fists, shake them hard, and ask God “Why me?” It’s a place where I throw a hissy fit because my life is just plain awful. It’s a place I go to when I don’t get what I want when or how I want it.

It’s a place I go to where I wish I didn’t.

It’s a place I was just a few weeks ago.

It’s a place I’ll return to in time.

But for now, miraculously, I am playing in the hay.

Instead of dwelling in all the so-called wrongs of my life, I am dwelling in His righteousness. Instead of weeping over things I should have done, I am rejoicing over how I can be used today.

I’m not moping, I’m laughing. I’m not wallowing, I’m worshipping. I’m not jealous, I’m thankful.

I’m thankful for warm chocolate chip cookies, a Spider-Man mug full of hot tea, and the sound of rain pitter pattering on the roof above my head. I’m thankful for friends who encourage me and roommates who take me to Sonic to fulfill my random corn dog fix.

Life is much better finding happiness in all the little blessings {and big ones}. Life is much better with my eyes fixed on The One who makes me still and gives me authentic peace. Life is much better playing in the hay.

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